Xenia Kathryn: OCN

Is it Friday yet? Seriously? You know your week isn't off to a great start when you find yourself expecting a weekend right in the middle of a Monday. Oh well. Today felt like another Friday, but maybe that's just because everyone is putting half the effort into everything in anticipation for the big Thanksgiving weekend up ahead. No joke, I even went to bed EARLY last night, because I was so tired. I'm sure you're all tired, too, though.

Maybe it's the fact that Christmas is here. Wait. No! It actually ISN'T here, is it? But you wouldn't be able to tell that from the world around us. I'm not even going to waste my time getting upset anymore. This kind of early madness is something I expect from big box stores and advertising. But when I see Christmas trees lit and decorate in the windows of homes??? THAT'S a little strange. I like Christmas. It is lovely. But why do we "need a little Christmas, right this very minute... as soon as Halloween is over???" *shrug*

I guess I don't do well with expectations. I am overjoyed to prepare for and eventually celebrate the feast of Christ's Nativity (which is in ONE MONTH). But I don't do well with dealing with the expectation that everything has to be "PERFECT" for Christmas. To find or make the perfect gift for 100+ people on your list. To attend and participate in every supposed (non-religious) tradition-- Zoo Lights! Candy Cane Lane! Cinnamon Bear Hot Chocolate Cruise on the Waterfront!-- and much more. No wonder people start celebrating November 1st-- the month of December just isn't long enough to cram in every single thing!!! Good luck finding any time for reading, Church or almsgiving-- not when there's a Nutcracker Dance-Along at Ye Old Theater by the Bay (ok... I'm making some of these things up... but you get the idea).

It's too much.

Phew. This year, I'm trying to stay calm. In fact, I HAVE to stay calm, as I don't want any additional stress to trigger my I.T.P. Last December was not a great month for me; I had an unexpected, dramatic dip in platelets. I had to be on a high pulse of steroids and squeeze in many visits to the doctor in an already hectic schedule. But I digress.

I think I struggle with the outward "chaos" of Christmas because it is very over-stimulating. The outward beauty of everything really cranks up my creativity to super crazy, high levels... I need to learn to take it down a notch. Each song and ornament brings an onslaught of memories, some happy and some sad, some both. Nostalgia for the old days, and the relatives who have passed away over the years hits hard. Christmas doesn't seem the same without the people you've celebrated with for years, maybe decades.

A happy Christmas memory from 2012

I can understand how Christmas can be difficult for lonely people, or those who struggle with unhappy childhood memories. But it can also be difficult for people like me, who struggle with high expectations and lots of sentimentality. I don't mean to be a grinch around the holidays. I just need to learn how to embrace December (and, November too, I guess) with prayer and peace. I don't want my husband to suffer through my grinchy-ness through the remaining four weeks of this season. Lord have mercy!

Christmas 2012... Oh, how I miss babies. *sniff*

It's true; I don't feel like I'm "good" at Christmas. I try to do what is manageable with cheer, and a sense of festiveness. The Christmas decorations will come out, but my home will not be Pinterest perfect by any means. This year, I'll probably sew fewer gifts, just to save my own sanity. I'll try and read something spiritually edifying (any good recommendations out there?). I'll do my best to relax, so that my kids can look back and remember a happy mom during the Nativity season, instead of a ill, grumpy and stressed one.

Please pray for me! I hope that you have a very blessed and lovely Thanksgiving. I plan to spend some time today baking pumpkin and pecan pies in my wee little kitchen with, probably, some wee little people helping me. Should be nice. :)

For more of my ramblings on Simplicity, or at least my journey towards Simplicity, you can see my new post on The Sounding. +