Who needs a title when you've got this for a picture? Anyone remotely familiar with this film and character can probably take a stab at guessing what I'm going to blog about. I won't lie. I want it all. I want it now. There's GOT to be some way to get it, right?
Have you ever worked on a 300 piece jigsaw puzzle and gotten so frustrated at the complexity of it that you just sit there and bang two incompatible pieces with your fist? Like a big angry ogre?
All of this is leading to something... something that's probably a no-brainer for everyone else in the world, but me.
*sigh*
I miss living close to church. I miss living close to 98% of our friends. I miss living close to Job's work.
But I love the town where we live. I love our home and living so close to my dear MIL. I love having THESE GUYS for neighbors. In fact, I love all of my neighbors. I moved onto the block not knowing anyone but Heather and Mike. I didn't know what to expect. But all of our neighbors have proven to be so friendly and kind. What a blessing!
And every time I turn around, I seem to find a new reason to fall in love with our home. Oh! A lilac bush? Gorgeous roses in every hue, circling our home? A compost pile that the previous owners started that we almost mistook for garbage and almost threw away? Not to mention our endearing porch swing and picket fence, etc., etc. A fenced in backyard, just perfect for a future dog or perhaps some chickens? Plus, being two steps away (practically) from a college campus definitely has it's bonuses. We have been truly blessed! Everything I could ask for and more is right here. And, I won't lie, the price was right.
And yet... something is missing.
I think that, when we moved, I expected to be just as involved with church and my friends as before. Driving? No big deal. Clearly I had no idea gas prices would be so high. Even more so, it's just downright tiresome to drive 80 minutes roundtrip, to and from all of the events surrounding church day in and day out. Add two kiddos to the mix, and boy, shuttling to and from events and church (and Trader Joe's trips or Target trips) sounds prit-ty unappealing. I can do it once, maybe twice during the week, but anymore and I'm spent.
So, that leaves me to my own devices. Which really, I don't mind. I don't feel lonely or depressed or bored at all--Thanks be to God! I LIKE our little routines and our life here. But I'm starting to feel the effect of being so far from my close Orthodox brothers and sisters... my church family. Godparents, our goddaughter, godsiblings, long-time friends and loved ones.
I don't know how to go about making friends here. I often wonder how/if Vasi will make friends in this town. I've just recently gathered up my nerve to take the girls to the park. Naturally, some chit chat takes place with other moms, but then what?
I'm not saying I can only have Orthodox friends. But making friends and acquaintances seems a lot easier when one is connected to a church group, and since I don't go to church here... I'm kind of clueless. A floater.
*groan* There's just no way to make it fit. I'm pounding my fist into the coffeetable... trying to get these two incompatible pieces to link up beautifully. My fist is only now starting to get a little sore. Hmm. I guess I can't have it all. I can't have the lovely little cottage (albiet circa 1973... my "seventies cottage) in the lovely semi-rural town within a 10 minute drive from church, Job's office, friends and family. It's just not possible.
So if you're wondering how I'm liking living here... I really DO love it. Life is moving forward, and we have been blessed! But I miss being close to church and my church family.... something is missing. I guess I can't have it all. Both Veruca and I have to learn that the hard way I guess.
Hey! Maybe we can start an Orthodox mission right here? Any priests out there looking for a gorgeous place to live? :D
11 comments:
I wish I didn't have to get on a plane to see ALL the people I love... It's so easy to want everything, but it is best to take a look at what we have and give thanks. You will make friends in Newberg, and you will always have your friends and family at church. I felt like throwing a fit on the way to the airport today, and refusing to go back to CA, but I knew it wouldn't do any good. I love you so much, and LOVE your cozy cottage in Newberg. It makes me so happy when I visit you there. I will always picture Vasi "painting" the fence now :)
Much love,
Christy
I know EXACTLY what you mean. I went through the same thing (and still do) when we moved from our apartment and bought this house.
I have a similar debate with DH every few weeks: why not just move to a nice place REALLY away from the city? We can be Orthodox anywhere, right? I grew up with woods and hills to roll down and space and nature and, did I already mention it, space? Why not just pick up and move and figure the rest out?
Although I am sorry you are even further away from our church-hub than we are (and in the opposite direction!!), I think it is GREAT that you were willing to sacrifice some of the easier stuff in order to fulfill that aspect of your "dream". Your new place sounds lovely for raising your little girls! And, really, what is a few more miles to drive -- for any of us? (btw, we need to come visit!)
You are a wonderful, lovely person and there are many people around you waiting to be your (non-Orthodox) friends. Just remember that feeling more attached to your new community in no way diminishes your belonging to the community at St. John's (and N. PDX!!). I hate being cheesey, but love is like light: the more you spread, the more you have.
I guess we always want what we can't have. Every time I leave your house I get the "wants"-- and start detesting living in a condo with no yard, no space for chickens, no place for my kids to really run around unsupervised. No space to add on if we have more kids...
But then I remember how thankful I am to be so close to church, the store, mom & dad, my friends, Karl's work, etc. and appreciate what we do have here.
Newberg is such a wonderful place and your house is a true gem. God brought you there and it will only be a matter of time before your roots get a little bit deeper! Enjoy that roomy house of yours and that great lawn that gets such good exposure ;) and the peacefulness of that sweet town! You have a purpose there! And soon, Matt will be there!!!!
Love you,
Carrie
Thank you for your loving comments, Christy, I.G. and Carrie.
I really debated posting this... I knew I'd risk looking like a selfish whiner (well... no question there, I guess). But I really appreciate your encouragement and understanding. It helps so much!!!
What a blessing.
I know exactly how you feel. When we moved nearly 2 years ago to have more "space" we moved to a town with a Mission Church and we are only 10 minutes from Church. But the Church community is different. We moved away from our friends, those we'd grown to love in our first 6 years of Orthodoxy. We had developed great friendships so very close to home. We had 3 other Orthodox families right in our own neighborhood. And many many very close by. Here in this area all the families are spread out all over the place. There are only a few families that have children at all and none of them homeschool. I find myself yearning for a closer knit Orthodox homeschool community.
It has been quite an adjustment and a learning time for me. Learning to lean on God to trust God, knowing He has brought us here and has a plan for us. It has slowly revealed itself to us in many ways! God IS GOOD! We've had opportunities in our Mission to serve, like we've never had before. James became Rdr. James, in December he'll become (God-willing) Subdeacon James and starts the deaconate program through the OCA. Our children are involved in the Mission more than they'd ever have dreamed....serving in the altar and singing in the choir.
Don't think that the idea of a mission in Newberg is too lofty of an idea! God has planted you there and it just might be His plan!!! It starts with a seed!
YOU might be that seed.
My prayers are with you AND Job as he takes his tests.
I totally agree....Orthodox friends are the best, but I wish there were MORE nearby! Blogs aren't the same as face-to-face.
Aw. I sort of feel you pain too. Our parish consists of people so spread out, it's so hard to get together with them. Are there any play groups you could join just to have some playmates? Maybe a Christian group that is cool with having Orthodox and Catholic mamas in it? I'm in a group like that and really like it. Everyone is really respectful. But nothing beats hanging with Orthodox sisters though, so I know how you feel. You'll find your groove.
OH! And I forgot to add that when I saw the Veruca picture I thought this post was going to be about children's behavior! Hannah has seen the movie and sometimes when she acts like a brat, I tell her she's acting just like THAT TERRIBLE Veruca. :)
Dear Katie, I understand how you feel...on one hand I love this but on the other hand I hate that! I am much older (well, sometimes inside me I am not:) and I Still feel that way. As others have said, placing this in God's hands is so important. Letting go and letting God gently guide you.
I like the idea of thinking about that...also, invite your friends and family for a potluck lunch (easy stuff, muffins, fruit, finger foods) and have a mommy and children play date. Our homeschooling Catholic support group did that and it helped a lot. Like Christy said, it is a bummer to have to hop on a plane or drive miles to see people we love, yet that is life and there is no easy answer. I love thinking about you all and hearing/seeing what is going on :) May God bring you peace, contentment and clarity on your place in Newburg; a verse I sometimes think on that helps with this is Philippians 4:13.
God bless you all, Aunt Helen
so, hey, I know this is a different way of going about it, but you could check out meetup.com. They have a ton of different groups ... I don't know if there's any in Newberg or not, but you could check it out. I'm glad you're not too lonely, but it's hard for me to have you so far away, too! And being far from church is so hard. I understand, though, how much you love your home .... i'm craving that a ton right now!
Xenia,
I TOTALLY know how you feel because we are going through the SAME thing right now. We left our own business, family and a town that had it all to live 2 hours away in the country. I really love it here too, especially since we are literally like a hop, skip and a jump away from the 2 monasteries here, but we are 35 minutes from town! I have to drive 24 miles to the nearest grocery store. I can't take walks because I'm afraid of wild animals (which we get all the time btw) and I hate the fact that there aren't really any other kids, especially Orthodox ones, for my boys to play with. (Or Orthodox mommies for me to play with)
But when I think about moving my stomach gets sick. We're planning to sell our home soon and find something with less land (10+ acres is tooo much) and part of me doesn't want to go more than 10 minutes from here and the other half keeps thinking about everything I could have in a real-life neighborhood.
AH! Looks like you're not the only Veruca around. :) Pray for us too!!
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