Today I did the unthinkable. Really, I feel so incredibly horrified... even now, 8 hours after it occurred. I saw a young woman (about my age) at the local coffee shop. I remembered becoming acquainted with her a few months earlier; our husbands went to high school together. I was by myself, just grabbinga quick drink. Then I thought "Oh! I'll go say hi to her" because, you know, I'm SO outgoing and everything. I knew she had a little baby/toddler, but obviously she was enjoying some "Mommy Time" by herself with her laptop.
So I bounded up and said hello. She smiled and acknowledged me (and said she remembered me, but I wouldn't blame her if she was only being polite). I asked how her daughter was and then.... and then... wait for it...
I asked her if she was expecting.
Guess what her answer was?
I used to think there was a special place in Hades for people who asked that question.
I have never, ever, ever jammed my foot in my mouth so far, so deep.
Twice after Susy was born, I was asked that very question. The first time, it was just the clerk at Trader Joe's, and it was four days after I had given birth. SO. Really, it didn't irk me too much. The second time I was asked by someone who should have known much better, but this person clearly had a mental disability and so I couldn't really take it that far. But I still took offense and breathed tongues of fire each time I looked at myself in the mirror.
Now. If I can claim any defense at all, this had been my first outing after a few days of battling a fever. I do believe some of my brain cells had been pressure cooked, or eliminated via sweat. I was without my children-- clearly, out of my element. I'm sure if I had had them, I would have been too distracted and stressed to bother any innocent bystanders with my ignorance. And I spoke before I even took a sip of my coffee-- always a mistake.
I hope that this sweet, beautiful young woman has a blog. And I hope that in it, she lambastes the horrible cretin who descended on her cherished "mommy time" and dropped the worst bomb possible onto her lap. Because that's what I deserve. Actually, that would be pretty minor punishment.
This has been a painfully humiliating experience. How could I have done this? Ha! Easy. I'm clearly not as flawless or tactful as I thought I was.
This situation also reassured me that I really make a fool out of myself when I try to initiate new friendships. I am unable to scout out kindred spirits without simultaneously scaring them or saying something absolutely dreadful/frightening/bizarre/stalkerish. Maybe it will improve with time.
10 comments:
Oh, don't take that lesson from it, Katie! Friendships are wonderful and necessary and someone needs to initiate them. I'm sure she's already forgiven you, especially if you explained about the fever. In fact, sometimes friendship can arise specifically out of such a gaffe.
Don't give up on friendship. And don't stop speaking, even if you do make mistakes. Relationships are messy, and even more so depending on how close and loving they are.
I can only say that I know what you mean about how difficult it can be to find kindred spirits!
And don't beat yourself up about it, either!
Hugs. I agree with Presbytera's advice. We've all been there, done that - on both sides.
I must have been loling without realizing it, because Peter keeps snickering to himself in his "mimic mommy" voice.
I'm sorry. That's awful.
But really, really funny.
Good for you for at least making an effort to say hi to her. Don't beat yourself up too much for the pregnancy question, part of it is that you probably assume that YOU are the only one who ever looks pregnant after having a baby, and now you know, that's not true :)
I actually have been in situations like this a lot since moving to a new state. I never know when to approach people I've met once or twice, and it seems like I've struck out so many times on finding a "kindred spirit" here.
Fortunately, in the last couple weeks I approached a girl at In and Out burgers that I had met at Katie Karo's Birthday party (she had been wanting us to meet because this girl is also pregnant)and we really clicked at the party, but hadn't called each other since. When I saw her at In and Out, I didn't know if I should approach her. Daniel told me I was crazy not to, so I did, and she totally remembered me and told me she had been thinking about me lately too. Well, since that day, we she has called TONS of times to do things with her and her sister and friends and we just went to her house last night to have dinner with her and her husband. Daniel commented after we left last night that it sure is nice the way she (Emily) just embraced me as a friend "just like that", without any weirdness, standoffishness, or anything.
This was a total answer to prayer (yes, I actually prayed to God to beg for a friend here) and he answered it! Now, I went from having NO social life outside of Daniel and his friends, to having a fellow pregnant friend who calls all the time to go to fun things with other gals!
Sorry to write a book, I just thought I would encourage you to keep trying because you never know who you will just click with, and it oftens takes a lot of disappointment.
Love ya sis!
Christy
I suppose the silver lining is that at least you didn't make your blunder on national television.
I laughed really hard at this story because just yesterday at church I finally got up the nerve to acknowledge and congratulate a woman who I suspected of being pregnant for some time. Yeah, turns out she's due in 6 weeks! I am always so paranoid about this blunder that I don't say anything until they tell me or are in labor. :) But I agree with everyone else, don't let this stop you from initiating friendship in the future, I think you will probably regret more the friends you let get away than the occasional social foux pas.
I was asked just last week- if I had a baby in my tummy! but then again...she was 5 years old!
I told her " no- it's just by chubby tummy!"-
I've been sucking it in ever since!!
(to no avail)
marm
Kindred spirits are a gift from God- when they come into your life- thank God!- But offering friendship - whether reciprocated or not- is Christ living in you!!
I think everybody does this at least once in their life ;). I make a point to never say ANYthing unless I hear straight from their mouth that they're expecting. I once had someone ask me if I was pregnant (I think I was 20). The funny thing is, I weighed a LOT less then, and I was behind a counter that covered my stomach, so where she got the impression I was "with child" is beyond me! She said she had a friend who was pregnant who had the same shirt I was wearing... but the shirt I was wearing was handmade by my mom ;).
I have only done this twice, Katie! You are being very, mmm, normal I would say. In a good way!
And hey, we can be friends. I am just so very opinionated, I am always afraid I will offend people and they will run away from me. We can give it a try *wink*
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