Why are mothers so eager for pop culture figures to be role models? When 15-year old TV/music star Miley Cyrus traded in her kids-tested-mother-approved duds for a few yards of billowy satin fabric for a Vanity Fair shoot, soccer moms all across America gasped in horror. What? Miley Cyrus, we've put our faith, our trust, our hopes in you! I've allowed my 4/5/6 year old to worship you unconditionally! I've "invested" hundreds of dollars in Hannah Montana paraphenelia; concert tickets, dolls, videos, t-shirts, flip-flips, beach towels and pinatas... all in that hopes that such earthly goods bearing your grill could help shape the moral development of my young and influential daughter! And now THIS? Your bare back is exposed suggestively! Miley, you are supposed to be a role model!
We thought you were different, Miley. We were so sure you wouldn't disappoint us like, like that LINDSAY LOHAN girl! Even Hilary Duff has raised our eyebrows a few times.
Okay, enough with the pink italics. I'm no longer pretending to be "in the head" of soccer moms.
This got me thinking about mothers and their desire for their daughters to have good role models. Sure. We all want our kids, male or female, to have good role models. But why do we entrust pop stars, even the "squeaky clean" ones (like, uh, Disney's Hannah Montana?) with our children's tender, moldable minds and psyches? We'll pay top-dollar for all the right "gear" so that our kids can "fit in." And we sit them in front of a television program, hoping that some edification will come of it?
I hope that my daughter finds positive role model as she grows up. But I won't be plopping her in front of the tv to find any of them. And even if she did fall in love with Hanna Montana (despite my best efforts otherwise), you can bet I won't be holding Miley Cyrus (or any other famous individual) to any lofty moral standards just because my kid owns a lunchbox with her face on it.. I'm too smart for that. I've seen too many Disney-spun tween/teenage idols rise to their own demise in the transition from kid-star to adult celebrity.
My oldest daughter is still only a toddler. It may be a decade, a year, a month or a week before I hear her say, "I want to be like (whoever-the-next-child-star/pending-train-wreck-will-be) here." Will I have a fight or flight reaction? I don't know. All I know is that there is one female my daughter sees every single day. She imitates her tones, her mannerisms, the things she says. Her eyes watch her ever-so-carefully.... and she thinks the world of this highly influential role model. Can you guess who this woman might be....?
Lord have mercy.
Our daughters (and sons) are watching us. What a humbling reality! Let's step up to the plate, moms, instead of relying on Disney to procure more ill-fated "idols."
I realize that I'm probably preaching to the choir here. Let's pretend for a moment that I am an influential msn syndicated columnist. Oh, to be paid to rant...
10 comments:
Thankfully my 5 and 7 years olds don't care about media, or know about them. Personally, I think the human body is beautiful, though and she was covered more than someone at the beach...
*gasp* YOU read Vanity Fair?!? :)
Part of the choir here...standing on a soap box:
I'm not advocating exposing kids to things we don't believe simply because "they are going to encounter it sooner or later". I do believe that while sheltering their younger years, we need to give them the tools so when they encounter repulsive things they will be disgusted instead of being seduced.
There is so much we do not have control of, but what we can do is fill our house with images and songs and stories of Christ, Theotokos, the saints. Most importantly, and where I fall horribly short, we need to strive ourselves to be like them so that our children will have not only these holy ones, but US as their role models. We need to make them as real as the Mileys and Brittneys and Angelinas. We are all called to repair the image of God within us and to attain His Likeness (see, it IS all about icons!).
"Mommy, I can't find Buzz [Lighteyar]!"
"Well, pray and ask Christ and St. Menas to help you find him."
"Christ, help St. Menas to find my Buzz!!!"
It's so true... We need to be our own children's role models, not someone they see on tv or in a movie or something... That always bothered me. And then people get upset because their child's role model isn't being a good role model, then you, the parent, show them what you want them to see!! I mean really, come on...
oooh, I hate walking through Fred Meyer and seeing all the Hannah Montana paraphanalia. Even at church yesterday, a little two year old was wearing a Hannah Montana sticker, and it's so hard for me to not just be really frustrated at our society. I was wondering for a long time who would replace the Britney Spears of my high school years, and now we know. Except this time, Hannah Montana caters to girls as young as toddlers, and it makes me sick.
I wasn't shocked by the Vanity Fair article and pictures, but surprised at how many people WERE shocked! Really, this story is as old as they come, and we've seen it happen to so many child stars. What I hate the most is that Billy Ray Cyrus thinks he can let his daughter become this huge star and still shield her from the mistakes that every other one before her has made.
hmmm. I am definitely on that soapbox with you, and perhaps someday you will be a syndicated columnist and preach to more than the choir. Thanks for your thoughts!
Personally, I think the whole Vanity Fair stunt was a brilliant marketing move on Miley's part -- managing the transition from tween megastar to more sophisticated artist requires pushing the sexuality envelope...but not so much that you come off looking like a whore (e.g. Spears/Lohan in recent times). So the photo shoot combined with Miley's immediate and well articulated "apology" to her fans was perfectly executed; she gets all the benefits of "growing up" while simultaneously distancing herself from the backlash.
It is a cardinal goal of advertising: expand your appeal without losing your base. And she's doing that very well.
Not condoning anything here. Just thinking outloud. :)
I dont think any of my kids had Disney role models.
If they did, it was just a passing fancy.
I think the biggest threat is letting your children grow up too fast.
Let them be babies for a long time, then find joy in their preschool years, and so on.
I cringe when I see 5 year old girls in spandex and boys with pierced earsand their hair spiked.
It is all when what parents will tolerate.
i totally agree with you katie, i was more shocked about the public being shocked than i was about the photos. role model or not, she is only 15 and a child herself. think of the PRESSURE she is under every hour of every day by her "handlers." they depend on her for their paychecks, so they train her to be popular and tell her what to do. i'm sure it's gotten to a point where she stops asking and just follows the orders. yeah, posing in such a way for vanity fair WAS in bad taste but her "handlers" not thinking and not protecting her from such a thing was much worse. it was also quite mean of them to force her to make a public apology when it was not even her decision to do the photo shoot. so far, i have not heard an apology from Hannah Montana Inc.
what actually soured miley's image for me was not the over-exposure or vanity fair shoot, it was the youtube video she and her friend posted mocking two of her fellow female disney stars. miley issued a statement saying they were just having some fun and didn't mean anything by it at all, however i found it bullyish and mean. she's just a big brat to me.
my husband's godfather told him about a man he knows who views his role of being a parent is to prepare his children for martyrdom. we think of preparing them for college or having a career, but really we should be preparing them for martyrdom. would they be ready if faced with such a situation? it really puts things into perspective.
I love your 'rants,' XK.
I like to think I would've been the mother you're shaping up to be ... in this arena, I can only live vicariously through your columns. :-)
Thank you!
before you sadi it i was thinking gosh shouldent i be my daughters role model. i used to be that mom that said no tv then i sadly caved after my son got intrested hes 4 now. i think im going to ditch the cable again. thank you for reminding me of one of the reasons i hate it my 4 year old son innocently loves icarly (perhaps a crush :)) anyway he starts preshcool soon perfect time to start cutting off the tv. My daughter does not watch tv shes 2 but i want her to not idolize me but want to be somewhat like me. Its hard to know whats best for our children very hard nobody will ever know exactly whats right for any child but we can try our best.i really dont have a point. i just feel like i dont truly know what RIGHT in many situations but this one is clear.
Hi, there. New blog reader here. I like your blog.
In response to your post - I am SO glad we don't have a TV anymore! At yet I'm still bombarded with celeb nonsense. Everytime I go shopping, and I'm stuck in line with all those celebrity gossip magazines, I feel like I drop about 20 IQ points.
I don't know how I'm going to teach my boys. I don't want them to look at girls and women the way so many seem to enjoy portraying themselves while demanding respect.
What are we poor mothers to do?
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