Debt, greediness and me

Note: I wrote this last night, but didn't get a chance to post it until today.

So here I am. I just got back from Young Adult group (a group of Orthodox folks and friends from my church and other Orthodox churches in the PDX area). I was looking forward to coming home and crashing into bed... but of course I had to check my e-mail and whatnot, and I found an article on msn about DEBT. Debt and the generation of 30-somethings. Well, that got my wheels turning, so here I am, hoisting myself onto my soapbox. Ha! There's an image for you.

The article explained that 30-somethings grew up in a consumer society.... they were children of the 80s (literally); the first generation to have been targeted as consumers. Theirs' is a generation of "entitlement"-- they were the tweens and teenagers during the affluent 80s, afterall.

Well, if they're the generation of "entitlement," how much more so is my generation, the twenty-somethings of today? We were told that if we went to college, we'd earn more money than the "shmoe" who did not go to college. So we marched off to higher education, where credit card companies greeted us as soon as we set foot on campus. Broke? No problem! Charge it!

This rant isn't so much about credit card debt, though, b/c I personally have never owned a credit card and neither has my husband. And YET, like most other people our age, we find ourselves with debt from school loans.

There was a time when I wanted to eliminate debt as quickly as possible. Even if that meant living in a cardboard box and earning and saving money like crazy... eating beans and such. Hey, I've always pictured myself as being a starving artist, so this whole projected lifestyle wasn't all that bad to me.

But somewhere along the line... my tastes for life got a little more expensive. I don't know, maybe entering into the "married life" had something to do with it. Suddenly I was caught up with plasticine images of what a good old American couple should look like-- two cars, a house, name brand food in the fridge, grown-up clothes. Or maybe it was the fact that, right before I got married, I started working in one of the ritziest parts of the western Portland-suburban area-- Lake Oswego. Hmm... talk about a whole new world.

Suddenly my romantic bubble of "starving young newlyweds" burst. Suddenly my tastes grew a little too expensive... not that I actually bought anything (well, not enitrely), but I started to harbor jealousy and resentment when I realized I couldn't have what I "thought" wanted. This new, post-college world was strange and mysterious, and yet I wanted to "fit in."

I think I drove myself crazy... I think my greed and covetousness crippled me greatly. I had grown up rather poor... HAPPY, but poor... and FINALLY I was at a point in life where I making [my own] money (which isn't really my own at all, being that I have to work to support Steve), and-- heck--if I wanted name brand Fruity Pebbles, then I was gonna get name brand Fruity Pebbles. I had reached this said stage of "entitelement," not b/c I had grown up with a wealthy lifestyle, but because I in fact had not. Suddenly Payless shoes were pithy and worthless... not "good enough" for me. I must even confess to the fact that I demanded Uggs (real Uggs) as a Christmas present. My goodness... Lord have mercy.

But fortunately, by the grace of God, I've slowly started to see the gravity of my errors. Lately I've been confronted with the "old me"-- the girl who wanted to save money and work hard to be chip away significantly at college-loan debt. The girl who didn't care what brand she wore, or what roast of [expensive] coffee she drank. The girl who laughed at the prices of expensive purses, instead of lusting after them. The girl who was content with FMV macaroni and cheese, simply b/c it filled her belly.

When I catch myself thinking, "Why can't I have this or this or this or this...!?" I must humbly remind myself that almost everything that I have of value has been given to me. I must remember that the only wealth I can boast of must be attributed to the kindness and generosity of others. Beggars cannot be choosers, and I have been MUCH too choosey.

So, I'm trying to get an early start on my "new years" resolution. Because it's not so much about my goals for 2006. It's about maintaining a heart of thankfulness NOW and forever. I must give thanks to God for my warm (shoebox, albeit) apartment. I must give thanks for our working automobile. I must give thanks for my job, my shoes that aren't stylish, but functional (not to mention my astoundingly loving husband and extended family). I must look past the riches and possessions of others, and stop comparing myself.

At work, I'm surrounded by fluff... as one "holiday" song goes, "it's a marshmallow world...". But I can't get entangled in the goo. I must not get enchanted with what Elder Paisios of Mt. Athos called, "the iciness of materialism."

May the remainder of the Nativity fast be blessed. May we continue to meditate on God's mercy and be thankful for what he has given us. A blessed fast to you all!