Joy of All Sorrow

Ten years ago this week, my sister's friend from high school died in a car accident.  My sister Christy and I were in college.  She and I, along with our mom, made a quick trip to our hometown to attend her funeral, and then came right back home that night.  Shortly after, I remember my 19 year old self snuggling with my mom on the couch, everything dark in the quiet living room except the beautifully lit Christmas tree.
We cried about Aimee's sudden death, and a life cut short.  We thought out loud about her parents, and how terrible it must feel to lose a child.  My mom mentioned the sorrow of the Theotokos, the mother of Jesus, and for the first time I could understand/ comprehend her pain, as a mother, and what it must have been like to see your own child suffer, and die.  She, who bore God's Son, knowing one day He would be crucified... and then later, having to watch her son die from where she stood at the foot of the cross.  

Every parent's worst fear.  She lived it, she knows and understands.  It was through Aimee's death, and experiencing such sorrow, that I was able to clearly understand and accept the role of Mary, the Mother of God, even after becoming Orthodox!   She was and is a real person.  She was a woman and a mother.

  Since then, and especially now, as a mom, I have asked for her compassionate intercessions many, many times, and have always received such comfort and joy in return.  Even in times of great pain and suffering, of which I have little experience in comparison with others... the Theotokos brings the comfort of her Son's Resurrection and the promise of Eternity, to the weary soul. 

Today, on December 14th, my sister Christy called and told me about the tragic shooting in Connecticut.  Instantly, I got a headache, and I still have it right now.  My throat is tight and closed up, and it's hard to think clearly.  I, who spent my teen years watching the evil phenomenon of school shooting after school shooting being reported on the news.

 I just keep hugging my kids.  I fought the impulse to pick up V. early from school today.  Evil wants us to cease hoping.  Satan wants to divide, divide, divide, and cease hoping, trusting and looking people in the eyes, treating them like human beings.  That's what this killer did today... I am shaken, but I will try to love my neighbor, to NOT devour and hate and tremble in fear.

I eagerly waited at the window for V. to arrive home at 3:30 pm...  and while I waited, my heart sank for the parents on the East Coast whose children didn't coming home from school today. 

I'm so thankful for my own family right now.  I'm thankful that my dear friend is safe, after narrowly escaping the nearby Clackamas shooting earlier this week, hitting ever so close to home.  

 I will get off the computer and hug my kids, over and over.  I will strive to look them, and other people in the eye.  To not treat others rudely, or deal with them in fear... even in the age of darkness, and in this stressful holiday season.  Reader, do not hide the Light.  In this day and age, it's enough to simply look people in the eye, and to see them as Jesus Christ sees them; worthy of love and compassion.  I can't even seem to get through the grocery store parking lot without witnessing repeated acts of sheer rudeness, anger and rage.  Don't let the chaos and evil steal your peace and your joy. 

Lord have mercy on the victims of this weeks' shootings, and their families who are left with shattered lives this Nativity season.  May their memory be eternal.