Forgiveness!

Time to bring out the Lent calendar! V. and S., Lent 2010 (one of my favorite pics -- their grins are HUGE!).

This afternoon, I smelled it. The faint, burning smell emitted from the motor of my little, over-worked food processor. It had been a while since I used it, you see, because I only really bring it out during Lent. Lent; when there are veggies to chop for minestrone soup, and garbanzo beans to puree for hummus... just about every day.

My pantry is once again stocked with garbanzo beans and rice milk. The crisper is inhabited by vegetables. After 18 years of extreme picky-eating, I've spent the past decade slowly tasting the rewards of my late-blooming taste buds. It seems that every fasting season, I get acquainted with a new-to-me vegetable (cabbage? Awesome!) or dish (curried black-eyed peas? Yes!), hence opening up new recipe options and solutions. I have 25 dishes planned out, with extra room for repeat dishes, and a church scrip card (fundraiser gift card) for Baja Fresh for those evenings after services where I outsource my beans-and-rice-production in exchange for $2.

For the Orthodox Church, Great Lent begins this Sunday with Forgiveness Vespers. A chance to ask forgiveness from our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. Our parish always holds it right after Liturgy, in place of Sunday school, which seems to yield a higher participation rate. This is good! The more people I can ask forgiveness from, the better.

Most years I really drag my feet with this service... I mean sure, it always feels good afterwards, but the hours leading up to it are filled with anxiety and drudgery. I mean, the kids are gonna go crazy... I'm tired and hungry... Maybe that's just me?

Last year during the forgiveness vespers, an individual specifically said, "Please forgive me for anything I've said...." which I felt was a rather poignant statement. It obviously has struck me enough for me to remember it, a year later. Knowing this person's particular struggles, etc., at the time I reacted not unlike the Publican; I raised my eyebrows, and perhaps felt a wee bit justified... "Well, well, well..."

However, I've only recently realized that my own mouth is a hundred times worse. I, who know better, blurt out whatever comes into my head. I aim for laughs, I aim for recognition, I aim to build myself up. But my boastings and blubberings are confusing and foolish. Gossip...! ACK! I won't even get started. My blog, at times, has been a platform for this vanity and looseness of tongue... which, whether small or large, produce ripple effects in others. It's amazing how the key-stroke instantaneousness of the internet only intensifies the ripple effect of sin.

So this year, I feel like shouting PLEASE FORGIVE ME! To my brothers and sisters, to my fellow parishioners, to YOU, friends.

So, PLEASE FORGIVE ME! For things I've said, for things I wasn't clear about, for anything I've done this past year, or even 10 years ago... 20 years ago (if you've known me that long... and if you have, then please forgive me all the more!), for poking fun, for holding grudges, and for failing to show you Christ in my words and actions.

I'm glad it's Lent; I'm thankful that the Church has set aside this time to slow down and focus on Christ and everything He did for us. I'm glad that it starts with a public plea for forgiveness, not just from God, but from others. For isn't it through learning how to love our fellow brothers and sisters, that we learn how to grow closer to Christ?