I have two wonderful grandmothers who, in many ways, probably couldn't be more different. My grandmother "Misa" is known for accidentally giving away her beautiful wedding dress (in a cleaning frenzy, she mistook the box with the dress in it for a different one and--poof!--it was gone forever!). She was a consummate cleaner and "thrower-outer." Then there was Grandjo who maintained a unique style of order that was once lovingly referred to by an uncle as "Organized Chaos." She wasn't super messy, she knew where everything was. However, I do remember a humorous saying that was posted up in her sewing room that read, "My husband says he'll leave if I buy any more fabric.... I will miss him" (don't worry, they were married for 60+ years).
That said... my own house is a mess. I *do* know where everything is, for the most part, but it is a mess. I'm not proud of this. True, it isn't nearly as bad as it could be (I won't be appearing on Oprah any time soon, as a consummate hoarder), but it's not nearly as good as it could be. And yes, I have just had a baby. I'll cut myself some slack. But the problem I have has existed for a long, long time. You see, the biggest problem is that I can't say "No" to stuff. Or fairly cheap stuff. Or stuff with "potential." Fabric has a lot of potential, which explains why I have so much of it.
We live in a big house. Okay... to 80-90% of the world, it is big. Luxurious, even. To every other American, it's your typical "starter" home, maybe even smallish; 1250 square feet. It's stuffed to the gills, it seems, with very little breathing room. And our two storage units outside? Yeah. Stuffed. It's starting to drive me absolutely crazy.
Job and I are hopeless saps, too, when it comes to sentimental stuff and often feel guilty for throwing things out.
Anyways, this needs to stop. I think we need to have a garage sale. I've always wanted to live a simple life, but it seems my bad habits are keeping that from becoming a reality. I would love uncluttered counter tops, surfaces, cabinets, etc. I would like my daughters' rooms to be fairly manageable, in the toy department. I don't want my kids to learn hoarding habits from me. I feel like the space we live in is perfectly acceptable for a family of five. Most importantly, I want to be a good steward of what I have and learn how to reduce garbage and excess in my home and in my soul.
I don't mind messes here and there. If my kids actually play with their toys and have them in the living room... no big deal. I won't beat myself up for having a lively, active household filled with real people. My kids know that "clean up" comes after playtime... there's a place for everything, right? Except... well... what happens if there aren't enough places for our "every little thing"?
I try not to compare myself with others... but I do wonder what the 'secret' is to a well-maintained home. Right now that seems impossible to me. Yet, there is hope! In my five years as a wife and four years as a mother, I've learned that it just takes time for habits to form. I used to think that keeping the kitchen clean and the beds made was an absolute impossibility. But after a while, it finally became second nature (mostly :D). My main goal is learning how to discern our needs, as well as really thinking through purchases AND whether or not to accept freebies.
I wrote the following passage down a few years ago at a Lenten retreat at our church. I stumbled upon it a while ago, and it spoke so clearly to me that I've posted this on our refrigerator to remind myself on a nearly daily basis:
How can we truly succeed?
Perserverance
Prayer
Planning
Practice
Discipline
Sacrifice
Learning from our failures
____
This not only applies to the spiritual life, but to every area of my life.
So, I don't know what's going to happen or how "successful" I'll be at tackling this mountain of a task. It might take me a long, long time before "Project De-Clutter FOR LIFE" sticks. But, I have to at least acknowledge my weakness and start somewhere, right?
How about you? Are you a bona-fide "thrower-outer"? Are you good at keeping excess, garbage and junk out of your house? Do you have any advice for me? I'm all ears :D
16 comments:
Great post! I don't like to hold on to things....you remember me trying to get rid of toys in V.'s room :) I must have gotten that from Misa, though I don't think I'll ever be as neat and tidy as she was. The only days my house stays clean are when the following principles are followed:
--Dishwasher emptied during breakfast, and ready to be filled the rest of the day.
--"make" bed right when you get out of it, or it won't happen
--try to leave a room cleaner than you found it (sometimes I feel like Marmee, picking things up before people are done using them)
--do the undesirable chore first...then you can relax in front of the computer, or work on a craft (it feels so good when I actually follow this advice)
--If you come across something you haven't thought about or used in the past few years, just get rid of it.
--try to designate a "place for everything"....we don't do this so well, but it is a good way to get things put away, when there is somewhere to put them.
I hope some of this helps...I'm not the cleanest person around, by any means, but I do feel better when my surroundings are in some sort of order. It really takes discipline (which I am still working on) to do the chores over relaxing when I have down time. but you have 3 kids under age 5...so you should be relaxing whenever possible.
When I visit you next, we'll do a big "sweep" of the house and I'll help you get rid of stuff.
Love ya lots!!
Christy
I am a thrower outer. I actually intentionally gave away my wedding dress because I figured someone else needed it more than it needed to be gathering sitting in a box in a basement. I kept my veil, in case my daughter wants to wear it.
My problem is, I tend to let things build up a bit before I pitch them. It's gotten a little worse since I started working full time. With any luck, we'll both figure out how to be more diligent! But I'm not beating myself over it and neither should you!!
I'm a pack rat...save everything, want to reuse or recycle stuff, sometimes I do, sometimes it's still here 10 years later and wondering what I should do...too sentimental to throw anything out.
Love the new header!!! My sister now had 3 little ones, too, Natalia was born in May and just baptised this past Saturday.
I guess I am a bit of both - some things I save- and I cant get rid of craft stuff - because someday I might make something :-) - other things I get rid of, then regret it! best advice is to move - or pretend you are moving! moving to Moscow forced me to get rid of TONS of stuff - it felt really good to simplify - now we have been in moscow a year and things are starting to pile up here!
I feel very much the same way! I always think our home has plenty of space for our family but it is hard to know what to hold on to and what to let go.
Usually I just get really excited when I find a broken toy lying around, because then I can throw it away.
And I like your sweet new header!
My rule of thumb for cleaning out closets and drawers is, "If I haven't touched it, worn it or used it in 3 years, it gets recycled/freecycled/donated."
It makes me crazy to keep stuff around the house that is collecting dust. I even use most of the stuff in my china cabinet.
My mother was a hoarder in the psychologically negative sense. I think for some keeping things gives a sense of security. At least that was the case for her and it had a negative impact on us all, including her.
Hi there! Here is a book that really helped to inspire me when I felt it was time to start purging & simplifying my own life. It puts things in a Christian perspective, which I found to be very beneficial. It’s called: Keeping House, The Litany of Everyday Life by Margaret Kim Peterson. Maybe the library has it, or else its well worth buying! I still find myself going back to it when my house starts converting back to chaos!
I am a total "thrower-outer"!
Before we had children, we rented a bigger home in the city and managed to fill it up with "stuff". When we were pregnant with our first, we bought our first home, which was about 1100 sq feet and smaller than our home in the city. We had so much stuff it didn't all fit into one huge moving truck and we had to make two trips. The home came with a huge shed which will filled up with junk. When we found out we were pregnant with #3, we decided to buy a bigger home. But I wanted to get rid of EVERYTHING before we moved there. I packed only what we really needed and everything else was given away to family, friends or Goodwill. we were able to move to the "Big House" with a moving truck that wasn't even full (and we now had two kids). We've been living here a little bit over a year and every couple of months I go through our stuff and give away to Goodwill. We do not have any storage in our home besides the garage and closets in the house. Our garage only has a shelving unit with Christmas decorations and a few other storage items, and the closets in our home aren't even full.
I feel such a weight lifted now that I don't own all that junk. And it helps to continually get rid of things whenever something new comes into the house.
Good luck working toward your goal. It will take a long time, but it will be completely worth it in the end.
I am the sort of person who gets deliriously happy when I look around and see a tidy space. (That being said, my house only looks like that about 30% of the time. Because we do also live here.) I am militant about rotating the kids’ toys (right now they only play with Legos, seriously like 6 hours a day) and organizing closets to within an inch of their lives. Living in less than 1000 square feet means everything needs a place. And if I can’t find a place, something needs to go. Which means baskets and hooks are my very best friends. Baskets and hooks. And ruthlessness.
I'm a keeper too. And I'm still learning how to keep stuff clean. Admittedly, it drives my hubby crazy because he's much cleaner than I am but I'm trying. It's encouraging to me to know that I'm not the only one who isn't automatically super-cleaner wife. I know other wives and moms who are all "It's easy" but they've been at it for years and I was never much of a neat and clean room person. We'll get it, we really will!
First of all, having just been to your house today, I have to contradict you -- your house looks great!! No evidence of neglectful housekeeping!!! Don't be fooled, readers! ;)
As for "pack ratting," I toss it all, a little too much maybe.
I used to hold onto a lot more stuff and moved all of it every summer out of a college dorm into a summer sublet, back to the dorm in the fall...dragging it from apartment to apartment each year when not in school. When I moved from NYC out to the West Coast, I kept every book from my literature days in college, pen pal letters, and all the other stuff I collected along the way. Movers arrived and told me it would cost 3 times as much as I was quoted on the phone, "Because of all of these books!" I paid it. Paid to store all that stuff for 6 months.... when I finally unloaded it to my tiny apartment here I was horrified that I had held onto it all. Tossed everything non-essential, sold my beloved books to Powells for $283 and never looked back.
Since then, I am so adamant about NOT keeping things that I have stop and remind myself that I will want some of the kids' first art projects from school or the first mother's day card they made...
The one area I am having problems keeping un-hoarded is kids' clothes and toys. "But what if we have ANOTHER baby? what if the next child will like this toy that the last 3 never played with?"
And fabric collections are hard to keep minimum. I recently forced myself to go through my stash in the closet and get rid of anything that wasn't at least 1/2 a yard. Now, if I can do the same with my more recent stash :)... but I might want to add a ruffle onto that dress I made Dia just last month, or lengthen some bloomers for her, right? :)
I'm not very good at decluttering either, but I love your home.
Don't throw out your wedding dress, but go for the declutter! Whooot!
Katie, such a thoughtful post-I could have written much of it too, long ago-or today! :) You've lots of great advice, with some very easy, basic, steps to keep clutter at bay, and order at hand.
Somethings, it seems obtaining order will be a life long struggle. What I've learned is 1st, don't compare yourself to anyone, family member or not! Much of the time it leads to negative thinking, which leads to lots of other not so hot thinking, etc. 2nd, find patterns that work for you-already you seem to have that progressing. For example, I do much better with routines, not schedules. So I routinely roll out of bed, make it, make lunches, get dressed, etc. Having a daily routine helps, as well as a routine for the week. I've started doing that, as I can't keep up-even with 1 left at home (work has replaced home business, which I miss!)
FlyLady has some helpful ideas on her site (no, you don't have to subscribe, just go & read for inspiration!) I have read a ton of organization/homemakers books. By far the best have been by FlyLady, Peter Walsh and the lady who wrote Organizing Inside Out and Time Management Inside Out. Janet Taylor has some great blogtalk radio broadcasts. These have all helped me, but I am far from totally organized. I don't expect to be either...but I celebrate the baby steps!
Garage sales are great motivators-purging things I don't need or want is easier with an end goal. If I have to think about it, I set it aside and ask questions such as, why, what meaning does it hold, does it give me good feelings or negative, etc. It sometimes helps to have a non-emotionally attached but gentle person around to help out! They can see the obvious when you can not. :)
Try to watch some episodes of Clean Sweep-truly you won't be doing something so drastic, but lots of good ideas and tips there!!
Katie, I'm like you with the art supplies, the crafts, the books...I learned only I can decide what to let go and re-give-but also, by reassessing things I gain peace and a new energy. BUT it has to come from me...sometimes, it is ok to have a crafts cupboard stuffed to the gills. I've been at your house-it may have a few places like that, but in general it is a warm, welcoming cozy place that says a wonderful loving creative family lives here... hard to replicate with a room suite from Ikea! eh? :)
One last idea, try photographing and scanning keepsakes to print and place in a simple album. This makes it easier to let go of those items that are not as important to keep as others!!
((hugs))
God be with you all,
Love Aunt Helen
Long live the minimalists! I LOVE to throw things out :) Im glad to hear you wanting to get your home more 'simpler'. I spent the last work day at school doing just that: organizing our classroom, namely, getting rid of junk and setting up an 'everything has a place' system. Oh how my soul sings when things get organized! I love the 'lived in' feeling your house, but if for nothing more than utilizing space better, i can see why you want a change. And as pa hinkle always says, "Neatness, neatness, neatness!" You can do it!
love hink
ummmm... so are you living in our basement????
Hahaha... Yes, S-P, I must be! That's why I made a quilt of your turtle :)
Wow, thank you everyone for sharing your insight and/ or shared struggles! In light of Iconography Girl's comment, I do indeed try to keep a tidy house. It's just the STUFF. There's too much of it.
I realized that I can't say "no" to anything that people offer us for free (i.e. kid's clothes, baby stuff, heck, anything, you name it!). Now is the time to learn! And now is the time to "pay it all forward" and send things off to homes that need them. It's really tough, but I'm SO inspired by many of your words and examples! Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to share them with me.
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