Seems like the question of "talents" seems to fluctuate continually in my mind. I look at the lives of the saints, and... well.. sometimes it is confusing. I see their talents.... how some were gifted with that which they were called to USE in this life. And others who, it seems, were directed by spiritual guides to not use what they were naturally gifted with, to keep from vain-glory. I wish I could give specific examples of saints and their stories.... St. Gregory Palamas is floating around in my brain, for some reason.
Maybe it's just that, in our falleness, we THINK we're good at one thing, but it isn't what we are REALLY good at. It's kind of mind-boggling. A huge blow to the ego, especially when you've been raised, trained, indoctrinated to "use your talents" (typical convert baggage).
Every so often I get it into my head that I need to work harder at cultivating some kind of art career. Usually around this time of renewed ambition, some opportunity comes along where--YES!-- I have a chance to "be someone." And by golly, this opportunity is gonna be my big break!
But the "opportunities" rarely lead to anything bright and promising. I'm left with a bevy of rejected paintings, doodles, etc., and deflated hopes. Alas, another one I can chalk up to 'experience.' And now my portfolio is a little fatter. Which is always a good thing...?
But as my portfolio gets fatter, I'm reminded again and again that my "gifts" are meant for giving. Not for profiting. To enrich the lives of those around me. To beautify my home. To give away at will.
My paternal grandmother is a very creative, artistic woman. My father remembers one painting that she kept in a closet. Once in a while, she'd fiddle with it. But then she'd put it back. I'm not sure it was ever completed. She demanded perfection from herself... and such a desire stifled her artistic creativity. Of course, as a young mother and housewife, her creativity was infused into anything and everything domestic. But I can't stop thinking of that lonely, abandoned canvas in the spare room closet, especially when I flirt with 'giving up.'
I know that the lesson is to keep trying. If, for nothing else, to stretch myself, to offer my unseen gifts back to God. To show my children that it's not about a career and money (heh, especially with today's economy where art is quite low on the priority list--and understandably so). It's okay to fail, to get frustrated, but to always keep on trying.
So as for my true God-given gifts? My true calling in life? My "ministry"? Well, it's my family. My children. My husband. My gifts are right before my eyes. A mammoth task of love and sacrifice in and of itself, that I'm called to day by day. Lord have mercy.
7 comments:
I understand what you're talking about, but feel like your art isn't something that is making you more vain, it is a talent you are grateful to have and so are others!
great thoughts....I've often felt the same way. People have encouraged me to sell the thing I've sewn/created in the past and it's always been really stressful and taken away from my time doing what I should be doing...serving other ends.
have you read Edith Schaeffer's "The Hidden Art of Homemaking"? If you know of the Schaeffers, you know they tend to be a liitle out there sometimes and very protestant but she has a lot of cool tidbits about using artistic/creative gifts in your home and with your family. It's an easy read, you should check it out.
A nice thing about having kids young is that there is SOO much time to use those gifts when you're "older and wiser" and less in the trenches of raising a family...if you are so called :)
take care...
I understand what you're talking about, from personal experience. I have the same issue with my web design work. When I get into it, of course with two things in mind - become successful and make some money - I often feel stressed out, unfulfilled, and overwhelmed.
But when I think about doing God's work - volunteering, raising my family, giving when there's nothing left to give, and devoting myself to the education of my children, I feel successful. I feel richer than ever! And the other desires, the ones for business success and more money to put in the bank, seem empty and meaningless.
Katie,
In November of 2004, I wrote a post on this very topic based on the musings of S.M. Hutchens.
"I am convinced, quite contrary to a great deal of pious wisdom on the subject, that the possession of certain gifts, even in abundance, is not necessarily a sign that one will have the opportunity to employ them in this life, or the blessing of God in their attempted use. This is because I, and many others I know, have certain powers whose use I firmly believe we have been forbidden-- which must apparently remain latent indefinitely, at least in this life. There are other gifts I regard as far smaller and less important I have been forced to exercise, much to my irritation and chagrin, consistently. It would appear, if not from our lives, then those of the martyrs, that from a strictly pragmatic point of view God is a great waster of his best resources. We don't, however, have access to the Grand Scheme of Things, don't know precisely what we've been made for, don't know what God values most in us, or what we shall become in glory. We are like Jane Studdock [from C.S. Lewis' "That Hideous Strength"], who wanted to be admired and valued for her intellect, but finally had to come to grips with the fact that those whose valuations she really cared about in the end valued her for other qualities."
Dear Katie,
I wanted to reply to this post but a moment to thoughtfully reply has not presented itself until now.
As a fellow artist, mother and a spiritual woman I have struggled with this very thing, wrestled with it on more than one occaision. To be an artist and to make a living from it, or just a wee bit of money from our art or talent is not a bad thing, unless one uses it for evil. To be a mother is a wonderful thing, and applying our faith to both helps us see that we can balance both but perhaps not in the straitforward way we might first choose. The epiphany for me came in the early years as I struggled to homeschool 3 children, run a household and tried to make some money on the side. I felt as though my talents were unused and that I was failing to respond to that need to do something for me and to make money. (I now wonder how much of this was from the culture I grew up in and was around me.) I suddenly realized that I was using my talents in homeschooling my children and managing the household-my creativity was simply being used in a different way than I was used to, and God has showed me since how to use the heart and just not the head to serve. Please continue to create your inspired art(we love it, because of what you put in it), but know that sometimes the art you create will be in the home and with your sweet ones, and not necessarily something that will fetch a dollar amount (for it may not even be three dimensional! Or it might be edible, like your sauce :). Your art speaks from the heart, and part of that comes from giving to others-it can't but be reflected in it, and when you create something that you place on Etsy, it will reach out and speak to those open to the message!
Dear Katie,
I wanted to reply but a moment to thoughtfully reply has not presented itself until now.
As a fellow artist, mother and a spiritual woman I have struggled with this very thing, wrestled with it on more than one occasion. To be an artist and to make a living from it, or just a wee bit of money from our art or talent is not a bad thing, unless one uses it for evil. To be a mother is a wonderful thing, and applying our faith to both helps us see that we can balance both but perhaps not in the straightforward way we might first choose. The epiphany for me came in the early years as I struggled to homeschool 3 children, run a household and tried to make some money on the side. I felt as though my talents were unused and that I was failing to respond to that need to do something for me and to make money. (I now wonder how much of this was from the culture I grew up in and was around me.) I suddenly realized that I was using my talents in homeschooling my children and managing the household-my creativity was simply being used in a different way than I was used to, and God has showed me since how to use the heart and just not the head to serve. That it is with family that we first give, then other things can follow...
Please continue to create your inspired art when you can (we love it, because of what you put into it), but know that many times the art you create will be in the home and with your sweet ones, and not necessarily something that will fetch a dollar amount (for it may not even be three dimensional! Or it might be edible, like your sauce :). Your art speaks from the heart, from a spiritual place, and part of that comes from giving to others-it can't but be reflected in it, and when you create something that you place on Etsy, it will reach out and speak to those open to the message!
A wonderful book that helped me see meaning and God’s guidance in the everyday chores is called "Holiness for Housewives" by Hubert van Zeller (Sophia Press). It is a Catholic ('orthodox' in nature, as in close to the true Catholic sense...traditional)book from a wonderful publisher (Karl probably knows about them..) and I found a lot of wisdom and peace to take away from this book.
I hope this makes sense,
Take care, God be with you,
Aunt Helen
It is a tricky balance isn't it? ;) And there seems to be no right answer, because everybody's so different. I know painters who can paint as their job AND their worship AND their giving. I know singers who can't sing in church because it's like being at work. I feel completely whole being a photographer, but I felt fractured when I tried to be a professional illustrator or painter. It's odd.
Not to make light of your post (I really liked it), but it reminded me of a funny exchange with my master iconographer's wife. They are russian. Very russian. One day the subject came up regarding how much to charge for an icon and how to claim it on taxes, etc. With a completely straight face (she wasn't joking...she rarely joked) she calmly said, "An icon is a gift we give to someone. And in return they give us a gift of payment."
Personally, I really don't like commission work. I love just painting an icon and surprising someone with it, even more so if it is someone with whom I am not particularly close. Unfortunately, I STILL have unfinished commissions sitting on a shelf in our hallway beckoning to me. I will feel so free when they are done!
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