In case you're coming from out of town for the annual fall women's retreat at our church, please know that our home is open for any (brave) individual who'd like to sleep on our futon! :) Just let me know asap. I can't promise any jello molds, but we'll do our best...!
Unrelated question: How did you learn the great skill of housekeeping? Did you learn via osmosis from your own mom? Did it come naturally to you? Or did the whole lot of keeping house and raising children come as a huge hit to you?
I was kind of blindsighted by the whole "domestic" thing. I knew that houses needed to be cleaned, dishes washed, and so on. I just never realized how incredibly frequently it all had to be done on a daily basis. I think I just cleaned in spurts and hoped it would somehow magically stay that way. But now I'm realizing that "keeping things in order" means picking things up constantly. Putting things away constantly. Images of my mom clearing shoes from the entry way, day after day, are coming to mind. Aaaahhh... okay then. I get it now. It's my turn now. It only took me two and a half years to really figure it out.
How did the women of the past do it? I think of my Italian grandmother who kept a spotless house while raising four boys. And I think of HER mother who did all of her homemaking in high heels! No joke. How do the little Greek yia yias keep their homes in such tip-top shape?
As a child of the 80s and 90s, I grew up in a "McWorld"-Kids Rule-Girls Kick Butt- kind of mindset. I was given some chores and a few responsibilities. I did observe my mom and all of the hard work she put into keeping a household of six in order. But the tedium and repetition of it all never truly sunk in for me... mainly because it WAS all about "me, me, me".
So once again I ask, how did you learn the great skill of housekeeping? I honestly would say that reading blogs of other women and moms has really helped me come to terms with my role. Before this, I had never learned to take a sense of ownership and pride (pride in a good way, hopefully) in what I did. So, cheers for blogging! It really can be helpful and a good source of encouragement!
18 comments:
I'm still working on it! I'm like you... I still don't clean enough for hubby's liking but I'm getting better, or was till we had to move back in with my parents... Hmmm. We'll get it before we die, I'm sure! :)
I learned as I went a long. I think it's best to do a little every day. It's easier now that the kids can carry their own toys back up the stairs to their rooms...but my house will never be spotless. It's just not that important to me!
whoops...Laura Nee left the above comment
i may just blog about this for you:) i may even reveal the secrets of the little yiayias for you:)
If you'll pardon a male voice.....I couldn't resist chiming in here as this might be my lone area of expertise. So here are some principles that have served me well that I learned from my parents (mostly my dad):
1)Make a "home" in your house/room for every single item you own. People's living space is messy because they collect things for which they can’t properly store.
2)Flylady 101: like a prayer rule, set aside a set amount of time (2, 5, 15 minutes, whatever you can handle) each day for organization/cleaning/tidying.
3)Constantly toss or give things away. Be ruthless. If you haven't used it in 3-6 months, it's gone.
4)Open, sort, and file (you do own a filing cabinet for important documents, yes?) or shred your mail the same day it arrives. Seriously – it only takes a few minutes. And your bills will be organized, your files will be updated, and you won’t have 534 unopened pieces of junk mail sitting on counters, stressing you out. It amazes me how few people do this.
5)Learn to naturally multi-task -- e.g. never walk out of one room and into another without something in your handa to put away from the room you just left. This is especially important if you have children and/or stairs in your home.
6)Teach your kids, from day one, the importance of organization, cleaning up, and "work before play" – i.e. kill two birds with one stone: use them as slave labor while teaching them the virtues.
7)Wives: this is your (plural) home, not a daycare/restaurant that your husband just happens to sleep at. If he is naturally messy, get him on board with a shared plan. DO NOT enable him. If he is naturally tidy, don’t overly rely on him to clean up after you and the kids. A man's home is his castle. He needs to feel like he owns the place, not that he is the maid.
8)Husbands: if your wife stays at home, allow her to have veto power over minor decorative and aesthetic decisions. She spends all day there after all. You wouldn't want her telling you where the stapler should sit on your desk at the office. If you are naturally messy, ask for her help in getting on a plan that you agree on together (and for pity's sake: at least pick up after yourself!). If you are naturally tidy, don’t begrudge her and the kids the normal wear and tear they’ll inflict on the house.
You know, I was contemplating this a few days ago. My mom actively worked on housekeeping, I can remember her growth and I have done the same. It was really hard for me when I was first married, it got better and better and now I think I'm ok at it - part of what helps is the kids growning up, actually.
I am still learning. Like you said, I find others blogs inspiring and motivating along the way.
I am a terrible housekeeper and if my house looks good it was because I forced myself to clean and care for it. I think the fact that we have moved nearly every six months has made it hard for me to care and invest in my dwellings. But having children and our new determination NOT to move for a couple years has made me want to organize, decorate and take good care of our home. Of course, having an 8 wk. old has made that a little harder but I am working at it.
By the by, I just love all your drawings. You have a gift, my friend!!
Katie
You've discovered what it takes ie
"ie- tedium and repetition". It is constant...especially if one does not happen to be organized. But it is a mind-game too. When I realized that much can be accomplished in a 10-minute clean-up session- I stopped resenting it, and just jumped in and did it. Liked the ironing I had to do today- I told myself if I just started and did several shirts, I would reward myself with watching Vasi at swimming lessons. What a treat that was!!!
Karl has the natural bent to organization and tidiness- he's got some great suggestions. To grow in desiring your home to be a welcoming, warm, tidy environment, where lives are nurtured and loved- that is a great goal!!!
I'm still picking up shoes- I see 8 pair before my eyes- just sitting here at the computer!!!!
Love
Mom
ok i wrote a list of suggestions.
I didn't learn housekeeping until the last year or so. My mom constantly struggled with housework, and the only other person I lived with was my sister who kept an IMMACULATE home, like if you put something down it would be gone five minutes later. (both of which I didn't really like.
But seriously, keeping up the house is work all day. I take breaks, but especially handwashing dishes and having laundry in the basement means I have to be super determined to have a clean house. One thing ---I have to do things when I'm thinking about them, instead of thinking, oh, I should do that sometime.
Being pregnant with a toddler is also the best thing for organizing. I'm constantly recleaning and reorganizing, because I want the least amount of stress on me when the baby arrives. It's sad, though -- if I let the house go for even a day, all the cleanliness is gone.
p.s. I love Karl's comment!
Xenia, this is a great topic to blog about. I may have to steal it!
I learned to keep house when I was a young girl living at home. Every Saturday I was expected to clean the family bathroom (scrub it, literally, from top to bottom), dust/vacuum my room, dust/vacuum the family room. My aunt, who lived with us, did the powder room, the living & dining rooms and the foyer floor. My grandmother kept the kitchen clean. I was not allowed out to play until chores were done.
My bedroom was spotless! Everything had a place. Nothing was left out.
Every night after dinner I had to help with the dishes (either wash, or dry/put away).
I still live this way though I will confess, I have relaxed a lot. I now leave dirty dishes out on the sink overnight. Or I will leave a pair of shoes in the living room overnight. But it wasn't always that way.
My children were taught to do the same growing up. Each had chores (set the dinner table, help with dinner dishes, mop the kitchen floor weekly, etc.) Though they kept their rooms like a pig sty and still do. Sigh.
As a SAHM with little kids, I had myself on a regular schedule. Every Monday I dusted the first floor. Every Tuesday & Thursday was laundry. Every Wednesday was food shopping. Etc. That's how I kept the house neat. Though I still hate to clean windows and will procrastinate for years!
I LOVED being at home and keeping house. It made me feel safe and secure. I would love to go back to it and I'd fill my time with crafts and volunteering.
Hang in there. And keep at it. Sorry this is so long!
Good post. It is a challenge to continually pick up after a baby and a husband.
I think your doing a wonderful job and I appreciate all your hard work so much! Taking care of baby, cooking, shopping, cleaning, etc. etc. is a lot of work and not the most glorious, but us husbands really are thankful for it!
Love you lots my love :)
Thank you for this post. It is not something I learned from Osmosis, I struggle with it daily. DAILY.
2 books that have helped tremendously (and I've blogged about):
Managers of Their Homes
Mothers Rule for Life (written by a Catholic Woman and I REALLY appreciated and LOVED this book a great deal).
I wish that I could say, "I need your futon." Unfortunately, this year I cannot make it.
Karl, I liked your list!
XK - well you know I struggle with this. Great post, and great ideas on the comments.
Again and again I must battle my procrastinating, and costantly say to myself: NO ONE ELSE IS GOING TO SCRUB MY BATH TUB.
Hey Xenia Katie, can you go look at my "help" post and see if you know what I'm talking about? I have a feeling I may have found this blog through you, but I can't remember!
(On a total side note, I met your Sister's Mother and Father in Law yesterday! Such a small world!)
Two words: LEARNING CURVE.
Also: Baskets are your friends. BEST FRIENDS.
And: If I make a list of the things I need to get done, it's much easier to motivate myself. I don't know why. Something to do with "visualization," I guess.
Lastly: I read once that if you light a lemon-scented candle, and get to work, the smell helps put you in the cleaning mood. Never tried it, but it sounds crazy enough that it just might work.
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