Yesterday I returned a dress that I *thought* I just HAD to have. I bought it on a whim on Tuesday, convinced that I needed a new dress for my daughter's upcoming baptism in Saturday. I was even more convinced when the dress fit perfectly. Perhaps the fact that it was a size 6 made it all a sweeter deal, being that I thought it'd be ages before I could fit into a size 6 again. Nevermind the fact that a one-piece dress is NOT conducive to nursing. I mean, the neckline on the dress was a deep v-neck, and well, technically I could have breastfed with some interesting, unconventional manuevering and manipulating of body parts...
I found the dress at Eddie Bauer on clearance, even though it was no where near a "clearance" price. But I bought it, bracing myself for my husband's frugal wrath. Well, he didn't freak out. He smiled and said, "Just this once." Phew.
But yesterday, the dress kept nagging at me. And nagging. Job had forbidden me from feeling guilty; he wanted me to have and enjoy the dress. However, I just couldn't justify keeping it. So last night I quietly packed it up and returned it to the store.
Being a good steward of money is difficult. It's difficult because, yes, you have money to spend, but that doesn't mean it's there for the spending. Some people look at us and wonder if we're doing "okay" financially. Afterall, isn't your husband an accountant? Why don't we buy a pair of shiny new cars for ourselves? Why are we still renting? Why do we share one car-- an '89 Toyota Corolla at that? And why can't I just buy a dress for myself without feeling bad?
It's difficult to hear these questions, ESPECIALLY when we're trying to be content with what we have, striving to lead simple lives. Of course I'd personally love to drive a new Passat wagon (or something that was at least made in the past decade). I'd love to have the beautiful, nice things that everyone else seems to enjoy. It'd be easy to blame my husband and call him a tightwad (and I have!) for not giving "me" the things "I" think we should have. But the truth is, we're just trying to live simply. The truth is, we are doing wonderfully. The truth is I didn't NEED that dress as much as I thought I did, not with a closet full of clothes already. We have a refrigerator full of food. Our cupboards are nowhere near bare. We have clean, running water, which a majority of the world's population doesn't have. We have a working, running car that hasn't given us ANY trouble (thanks be to God!). And even if it were to break down tomorrow, we'd still be thankful that it lasted us this long. What a gift!
We are well clothed. We have a beautiful little baby who has enriched our lives a thousand fold. I am able to stay at home with her while my husand works at a job that has been mercifully bestowed onto us. And most important, we have the Church. We have all the tools for oneness with God at our fingertips. We have community, family, the Eucharist.
I just wish people could see how rich we really are. That we have all of our needs met for our little family, despite steep student loans, a baby, monthly bills and the usual unforeseen expenses that tend to nibble away at our "fun money." It's very hard to be content when other people are questioning our finances, and why we don't have bigger and better things. Plainly put, racking up the debt and expenses keeps us from the ability to give freely. I read a terrific article on MSN Money on the difference between stinginess and frugalness, and I thought I'd share this quote:
"If you always give and save first, you won't become greedy and you'll never be broke."
Amen.
14 comments:
Katie,
This is an issue Carrie and I are constantly talking about and dealing with.
Buying the condo (not even a "real" house like all our friends!), paying thousands out of pocket for Kirsten's wild and crazy birth, and finishing my degree have pretty much crippled us financially, which is why Carrie has to tutor (and even that just keeps our perpetual monthly deficit from totally spinning out of control).....yet we have nice transportation, don't dress in rags, and buy free-range/organic meat at New Seasons .... so we look "rich" and everyone assumes we have money to burn.
I was reading a book a while back that made the point that the "New Poor" in this country are not limited to crack addicts, migrant farmer workers and single moms with 3 kids by 2 fathers. They are middle class families like yours: outwardly well off on the surface but living very frugal lives that no one is aware of and totally without the resources to avoid both parents working and/or serious/permanent debt.
So we end up feeling horrible: me, because I can't "provide for my family" as all good husbands are supposed to; and Carrie because she feels torn between her duties as a mom and her role as the backup income. If I was playing golf every weekend and buying 60 inch plasma TVs and Carrie was single-handedly keeping Nordstrom's stock on the rise, then the solution would be obvious. But it isn't that simple.
There is something desperately wicked about a society where it is virtually impossible to frugally raise a family on one income (or even one and a half!) without going into major debt.
Yet another reason for community..... :)
Ooh, I'm interested in reading that book, Karl! Sounds really good, even though I kind of refuse to think of myself as poor in any way or form. Fr. Theodore once said in a sermon that NONE of us in the parish are TRULY poor... not compared with others in the world. And I've never forgotten that. I just wish that people would stop "showing concern" or feeling the need to inquire about our money just because we don't live flashy, over-the-top lives.
Yes, we do live in a wicked soceity where we have to fight tooth and nail and work our bums off just to live to a certain standard. Arg.
Of course, community is always ideal.
That is a great quote Katie! Give- Save ( not hoard)- keeps us in check with the "greed factor". Take care of what you have- and you will contentedly find enjoyment in them.
Kudos to STeve for not laying a guilt trip on you......Kudos to you for listening to your heart!
Love- Mom
Good thoughts, Katie. A car made in the last decade would be good (as she thinks about her 1995 Volvo...) We are also actively trying to live simply. Not just because of money issues, but because if we all use a ton of stuff, then there'll be no stuff left. Or more accurately, if we in the United States use a ton of stuff (which we are doing) then there'll be no stuff left for others in other countries.
We're looking at buying a house soon. My husband has issues with this--not everyone has the money to buy a house, so he feels guilty. I want to buy our own house, own our own dwelling, and I want everyone else to be able to do that too. So, we're looking for ways to buy a house but also cut down on the impact on the world--buying a small house, not as big of one as we can afford. Other ways, that may occur to us, will be considered, too.
I think that one way that we, in the middle class, are "poor" is that we are expected to have certain things--indeed, will get in trouble with the law if we don't. If we were to pitch a tent on public land, we'd be in trouble. But who owns the land? Why can people just buy up land, and keep it from others? God made the land, and it shouldn't belong to any one of us.
Hugs.
Can't wait to see you tomorrow.
Beautiful post, Katie! Keep on in your struggle to be frugal. You are a good example to those of us who struggle to learn these lessons at a much more advanced age! You soooo rich now and will be so very, very rich in times to come as you become ever a stronger steward of God's gifts. God bless and see you tomorrow!
I really enjoyed this post, Xenia!! I have often purchesed things that I don't need on a whim... now that we are living on one income (and a priest's salary at that!), I need to be much more careful! Reading your entry reminded me how lucky we are to be living the way we do!
~Emma
I feel that buying a dress from Eddie Bauer is more frugal, than say from WalMart. The dress from Eddie Bauer will last for years, as opposed to one season from the cheaper store.
I feel that we live a fairly frugal lifestyle. At this point though, we do have more to spend than when the kids were home.
I dont spend money on lattes, but do go out to dinner at least once a week.
It is a matter of spending wisely, not just spending.
I see so many people with so many "toys" that I feel are totally unnecessary. But then who am I to judge.
You are at the beginning of the race, not the end:)
Katie,
I know Sara will may have a lot to say on this, so I'll just say a little. Wow! It's always good to know we're not the only ones struggling...and yet it can make life so much more interesting and joyful and satisfying at times that the struggle becomes much less drudgery.
And I agree with the last Susan's comment about poorly made clothes. I have a perfect example and it is kinda sad. I have two pairs of jeans, one from Gap and one from Old Navy. The sad part is that Gap owns Old Navy. Yet the pair from Gap that I bought somewhere close to 5 years ago, aside from being a little faded, is doing just fine. While the pair that I bought from Old Navy 2 years ago, at about a 1/2 of the cost has sprouted all kinds of holes as the cheaper material has thinned rapidly. The time left in my Gap jeans is unknowable, they could go on for years and years. Yet, when you don't have the $50 or $60 for the Gap jeans and you need a pair now, not in a couple months when you have the money, well you find yourself stuck in a vicious cycle.
Sorry for the long boring comment.
Thank you for this post Katie.
I am also interested in that book that Karl read...
OK... i wrote a very long comment and decided that I should just make it into a post on the old blog:) so go to my blog to read a rambling response to your blog!
I don't know about now but Gap used to have the worst human rights record of any US company. Their labels say "made in US" but their stuff is made on the Mariana Islands, which is a territory, but doesn't have the same rights as US states. So they can enslave the workers and pay them a pittance, and have them work in bad conditions. I haven't bought anything from Gap or it's subsidiaries in a long time. The only GAP labels I'll wear (or my kids and husband) were obtained from the thrift store. :-)
Elizabeth,
I have always supported the age old right of children to work!
Beyond that, where does one buy clothes that are not manufactured in disreputable conditions and yet do not cost even more than the Gap already costs? The majority of my clothes come from the thrift store, but sometimes something new is in order.
Aaron - do you have American Apparel where you live?
http://www.americanapparel.net/
Xenia, I was at the monastery this weekend, and saw you and Job signed into the guestbook :) We should plan to be there at the same time one of these days.
Ooooh, or a Northwest Orthodox bloggers trip to the monastery...that would be fun...I know a bunch of people on LJ that go...
Arielle,
Actually, now that you mention it...I live 30 minutes from the American Apparel headquarters and manufacturing site in Los Angeles. I had totally forgotten. Thanks for the heads up!
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