It's been a while since I last posted-- a week. There is a reason for this. You see, I've been flirting with another "blog" of mine. Now, this isn't a real blog. It's "myspace," which is basically an internet group that allows 20-somethings to post pictures of themselves and, oh yeah, write a "blog" (okay, maybe that's an over-generalization).
I seriously tried not to give in to myspace... but my sister was the first close relation to join. Then all of her friends joined, and soon I discovered that most of my friends were on myspace. It's like an infection. It spreads like wildfire, and I'm sorry to say that I caved in and joined. The inventor(s) of this "myspace.com" certainly have one thing under their belt that makes it so darn successful among folks in my generation: photos. Every member must (or is encouraged) to post a picture of themself once they sign up. In fact, anyone can post as many pictures as they want.
Now, this isn't necessarily a bad thing, but what gets me is how self-absorbed so many of these "myspacers" are. Now, posting some pictures on a site of you and your friends/family is not wrong. I want to make that clear. I absolutely love seeing pictures of my friends and family-- who doesn't? But so many sites (of people I know) that I've perused consist of provocative, suggestive photographs that leave me feeling... well... disappointed. Even folks who call themselves "Christians" seem to enjoy portraying themselves in such a way... Once upon a time a woman guarded her virginity, covered her body and safeguarded her reputation... Now they happily/willingly flaunt their bodies, as if it will actually help them attract real love. But all it attracts is a) disgust or b) the lusty eyes of ANY old Joe schmoe who runs across their sight. Now THAT is scary.
So, forgive me dear readers. I've been "cheating" on the Daily Grab Bag. hehe. Like I said, one reason I joined myspace was to get in better touch with friends, new and old. Because being married and "with child" certainly has it's joys, but it certainly makes me feel like an outsider among people in my age group, at times. So, naturally I had hoped that plugging into myspace might help me get more in touch with folks who are my age... but in the end, it just makes me feel all the more out of touch and obsolete all together. Call me sheltered, call me easily offended, call me naive. Call me what you want, just give me my real blog any day.
Speaking of this oversexed generation I'm in, Jim quoted the following on a recent post of his. I'm not sure who said it exactly, but it certainly brought to mind the self-absorption and hypersexual culture that I find myself in:
Over sixty years we have changed into a people who are exceedingly self-conscious about sex. Once people did what came naturally, experimenting and discovering each other and keeping things, as they say, intimate. Today intimacy is blasted; we are compelled to talk about sex incessantly, to hear about it endlessly, and it becomes ever more artificial. Over-exposure has turned sex into another bleached and packaged commodity. We are estranged from our sex lives, from our own bodies, from each other, and there is no end to judging ourselves, our appearance and performance. No end to being judged, either… The sexual revolution has created a whole new galaxy of ways for people… to be rejected.
16 comments:
Kh. Frederica Mathewes-Green said it. I linked to her article. So are we going to see the link to your 'other' site or what?
"being married and 'with child' certainly has it's joys, but it certainly makes me feel like an outsider among people in my age group,..."
This has been a struggle for us too and it has only intensified since the birth. We are too "young" to fit in with the parents of older children and too "old" to fit in with the singles. Without certain aspects of real community being in place, there just isn't enough time to either make (and more importantly, sustain) the kinds of relationships that would help bridge the gap. The no man's land between "Myrhhbearer" and "Young Adult" is a lonely place.
Hey sweetie,
Good post, I really liked the last part of it because it is so true how over sexed our culture is.
Karl,
I'm in the same shoe's. Maybe we should create our own club or something, we could call it "Married with Children" :P
I think that there are lots of us in that same club and I think that it has more to do with the age of our children... not being able to go out when we want or going out and having a child have a tantrum or just be a little overly happy and excited and "making joyful noises".
I hope, Katie, that you know that my comment on your "other" blog was me teasing you:) But I do agree with you on the pictures on myspace... what little I have roamed around it... I have come to the same conclusions as you... there is a tendency to find either a picture of yourself doing something funny or a picture of yourself posing in a suggestive manner. If I were to ever post a picture, it would of me doing something silly with Pavlos and/or Paul:)...
Jim,
I'm almost too ashamed to post the link... um, let me think about it ;) Kh. Frederica, eh? No wonder I liked that quote so much!
Karl,
Amen. Amen. I'm with Job, a married with children (or rather, married with babies?) club just might need to be in order. I'm curious about your statement on "real community". Do you mean, like, people actual living in community/ near each other? Because yes, that would be very cool. Let's hear your thoughts, bro :)
Job,
Thanks for the compliment-- I agree with you. Your "married with children" idea gives me another blogging idea... more to come, I hope :)
Christina,
Oh yes, I knew you were teasing! So, are you "in" with the married with children/babies club? :D
Katie,
"Do you mean, like, people actual living in community/ near each other?"
That, I think, is part of the solution and perhaps one of the more important elements. For example, if you lived down the block from us, we'd be able to have dinner together on a regular basis. But being 40 minutes away means we see you at church and that's about it. It is clear that spatial distance is a huge barrier in terms of bulding and sustaining relationships among young married people with children.
And, as Christina noted, one of the other major difficulties is just the sheer logistical dilemmas one faces as a young married parent. For example, we are now the 4th couple to fade out of YA because of child care issues. That's a key opportunity to interact with friends, lost.
Between work, school, running a house, and taking care of our kids there is neither the time nor the flexibility needed to sustain friendships. It is a tricky issue and I'm not sure there are any ready made "solutions" to it. We certainly haven't found any yet. :)
i'm in on the married with children (man, i hated that show) club! it would be tricky to figure out, but we can see what happens (and as more and more young adults get married and have children, they will also be faced with the same issues).
sorry, i would like to add to my last comment... i think the person that gets the "short end of the stick" is the husband... because mom's try to get together, one on one usually, during the day. we have more time, in a sense (like going to the zoo with carrie and kirsten or visiting new born babies with their mom and bringing dinner, etc.) But it would be nice to have dinner with whole families and maybe we should just start inviting people, informally (we used to be really good at this, but with the move and then me not feeling well we haven't had too many dinner guests).
I understand what you are saying, while my kids are older now, my oldest was born when I was 18 and youngest when I was 23 so I definitely know the "younger than the parents older than my friends" feeling!
Cheers!
Mimi,
Wow, you certainly must have dealt with this! Since you're now a parent of two older kids, you might have some advice for us as to how you dealt with young parenthood?
Karl,
I know... it would be really nice to live closer to you and Carrie and the rest of the family. I pray and sincerely hope that one day, that could be a reality (and not a distant one). Daggunnit, Portland is so spread out! :) It's like, you either live close to work (or school), and live an hour away from your family, or vice versa.
About the YA solution... perhaps the "parent dropouts" could form a little parent group that meets that same night? OR, they could meet on the alternating night, so that some parents could still attend YA if they're able to. You could get together for an informal dinner, maybe have a book discussion or just hang out with the babies :)
Single young adults would be invited to attend, granted they won't be bothered by the chatty, jubilant toddlers/infants.
hehehe, I'm just throwing out ideas. Because I think there are more than just four couples who've had to stop attending YA b/c of their little ones.
Got older friends, basically. And, my relationship with my non-children friends is just a different relationship.
It's a lot easier to cultivate those friendships now the kids are older and I don't always have to get a babysitter (they are 14 and 9 now)
On a totally different subject, Katie, how'd you come to feel about your little cappuchino maker after a while? You may've cut out caffeine again now, but did you find your MUKKA satisfying while you were drinking coffee?
Kiera/Kristin, who's thinking of putting a MUKKA on her Christmas list...and who's a member of the 'Orthodox without an Orthodox Spouse' Club and the 'Orthodox Without Children' Club...
Kristin, or Kiera my deara :)
A member of the "Orthodox without an Orthodox spouse" and "Orthodox without any children" club, eh? Well, for such a child-filled parish as ours, I'm sure that makes for a lonely club.
I think that, when it comes down to it, we all experience a disconnectedness, to some extent, which might not have as much to do with our family/personal status. Because real community shouldn't be based on age, or familial status and whatnot, but on being Christ's Body, as Orthodox believers. I pray that we may all grow more and more in our connectedness and love for one another, regardless of our personal standing.
AND, about the mukka express :) I did enjoy it... even if I did only get one good pot of coffee out of it. Once I bought it, I had to get the right ingredients (espresso beans and soy milk, b/c it was during the dormition fast). Then I had to play with it a few times to get the hang of it, which is fine. Then, when I mastered it, I had a VERY enjoyable cappuccinno!!!
The next day I tried making some cappuccino in a morning rush before work, and I couldn't get it right for some reason. A few days later, I was pregnant and had no desire whatsoever to drink coffee.
Ha! So there's my sad, sad story. I had a feeling it would happen... but if you'd like to borrow it to try it out, you're more than welcome to! Then you can see if you want to put it on your Christmas list or not :)
Just let me know~
love,
Xenia
Xenia,
Yes! I tried to put it into words, but failed...you said it perfectly: "I think that, when it comes down to it, we all experience a disconnectedness, to some extent, which might not have as much to do with our family/personal status. Because real community shouldn't be based on age, or familial status and whatnot, but on being Christ's Body, as Orthodox believers. I pray that we may all grow more and more in our connectedness and love for one another, regardless of our personal standing."
Beautifully said.
xo!
Kristin
(Thanks for the offer to borrow The Apparatus! I probably wouldn't do that...feels sooo intimate, doesn't it? Wouldn't want to borrow something as personal as someone's MUKKA! Oh, my!)
:-)
Katie
Wow, I thought I was being original by saying that I was "cheating on Blogspot with MySpace." Ah yes, I was addicted but I am now weaning myself off of it because all of the flashing adds of woman's cleavage offering "dating services" along with the people's profiles both male and female with partial nudity is hard to avoid because you can't take off the "new members" box from your page. I too, joined because of Christy's posts but it has since become a way to keep in touch with the Multnomah boys.
The only photo I have on there which might offend you is me with "Babe" Paul Bunyan's ox. It is a joke and I took it off for awhile but then had so many requests (from Karl included )to put it back on that I felt obligated. I am sorry if it offends you.
I also wanted to comment on the married with children conversation that has been going on. I know this may sound like "the grass is always greener" but perhaps it might put your struggle into perspective. Let me preface this with the fact that I know that marriage and children is no picnic, that it truly is a struggle each day so what I am about to say is not me having rosy colored glasses on.
Spending time with everyone from church who are "single" i.e "not married and not with kids" is great. But it too, is not without struggle. Our struggle is different. We may seem all happy and fun loving together but the truth is, we all long to have what you "married people" have. When Mother Cassiana came this weekend she said there are two ways of life, "married and monastic." It hit me hard. Her words made me feel like I was one of the most selfish people in the world. In marriage you serve God, your husband and your children, in monastic life you serve God and your brothers/sisters. It made me think who do I serve? I know I am to serve God and those around me but most of the time I fail at even doing that, God most of all.
You are blessed by having the person/people you are to serve with you every day (I know I am to serve people in my daily life too) but what I mean is that you already know your husband you love him, he loves you, this is something that is not up in the air, undecided and unknown. We single people struggle daily trying to just focus on God and TRUST that he loves us enough to provide this husband/family for us when we are ready. It is so hard to feel ready but not know for sure. Every person that you meet that is slightly interested in Orthodoxy or you we question, "Well God? Could this be him? Should I put forth effort here?" I don't know, maybe this is just me because I am the kind of person who hates uncertainties, I opperate soley in the modes of black and white and God is constantly teaching me to live and work in the grey.
Yes, we have fun together as "young adults" but I look forward to graduating to your status- being married and hopefully one day with child. Until then, let us all remember that we are one Body and there is no reason we can't all spend time together married or not.
great thoughts, meika. when i was living in San diego, i hung out with an awesome orthodox young adult group (been there, done that). i think that what we can finally conclude is that we all feel a certain disconnect... and it's probably distance. i am envious of the life my dad had growing up, on an island, in greece, where everyone was orthodox and everyone knew each other and everyone was practically related (whether as god-parents, koubaros, or blood). my mom told me that at my yiayia's funeral there were 500 people that came. can you imagine? it's hard to have that "village" mentality when we all have to drive to see each other, and not just walk next door.
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