My church is teeming with babies! About 1/3 of our church consists of children under 10, and many of those are below preschool age. Two infants have been baptized this month, alone, and there are more, still...! Two families will welcome new "miniature members" by the end of the year.
The other day I was holding my niece at church, and someone said to me, "It won't be long..." Implying, of course, that it won't be long until I have my own baby! I sort of shrugged and laughed, and said "Whatever God wills."
And it's true. Sure, Job and I are not financially prepared for a baby, but we're not exactly mentally unprepared, either. Frederica Mathewes-Green has a wonderful essay called "Let's Have More Teen Pregnancy." I recommend you visit the site, click on "Essays" and scroll down to "General Writings," where the first essay is one mentioned above. Sound a bit strange? Just read it, and let me know what you think.
This article just made a lot of sense to me when I first read it, as it puts young parenting in a positive light.
3 comments:
Katie,
In some ways it does feel like Carrie and I have joined a cult, of sorts. Spit up on the shoulder and weary eyes substitute for a secret handshake and detailed descriptions of infant fecal matter replace the obligatory secret password.
It is a whole new and beautiful world yet one full of new challenges, old temptations in new clothes, and deeper struggles co-mingled with the joy. Being financially unstable, relationally isolated, and green in marriage will compound the challenges in some very serious ways. I think that because these 3 particular conditions were in our favor, Carrie and I have been able to enter into parenthood and deepen our marriage in a way that would have been very difficult otherwise. And it still has been a *major* spiritual struggle, in spite of these favorable material conditions, let me tell you!
I can't even imagine would it would be like to have had Kirsten with no or little savings, living far away from church and immediate family, and only married for a few months to a year. Oh, we would have survived of course; most families do in that situation, at least in the short run. But the potential long-term consequences (both spiritual and material) are something to be aware of.
As Frederica says in her article, "Our ancestors were able to marry young because they were surrounded by a network of support enabling that step. Young people are not intrinsically incompetent, but they do still have lots of learning to do, just like newly-weds of any age. In generations past a young couple would be surrounded by family and friends who could guide and support them, not just in navigating the shoals of new marriage, but also in the practical skills of making a family work, keeping a budget, repairing a leaky roof, changing a leaky diaper. It is not good for man to be alone; it's not good for a young couple to be isolated, either. In this era of extended education, couples who marry young will likely do so before finishing college, and that will require practical as well as emotional support from family and friends."
Quite true. Yet another reason for intentional community, eh! :)
Hey Karl,
Reading over my blog again, I realize how the third paragraph (especially the first and second sentence) could be taken, "Welp, once we're married we'll try for a kid!" What I meant by "And it's true" was really just referring to the statement of "Whatever God wills."
It's tough to express these opinions in a concise, direct way. Truth is, this post is merely the jump-off point for many other opinions and decisions that I've been thinking over, in regards to starting a family.
Mainly though, Job and I are ready to do our part to prolong an immediate pregnancy. We're making preparations to utilize the "Fertility Awareness Method"
as our means of "natural birth control" when we're married.
Ideally, we'd like to wait three years before having a baby, and we're hoping to do so. But, we're also mentally prepared to yield to God's will, should something happen sooner (in short, we're not going to tear our hair out and gnash our teeth if we get pregnant :D).
With both of our families nearby, it is a comfort for both of us to know that, should something happen, we'd have the support and love of two sets of grandparents, aunts and uncles. Not to mention our church family! And yes, intentional community is really starting to sound good to me...!
So there you go. I just wanted to set the record straight that I didn't mean to imply any "honeymoon babies." But if something were to happen, we're not going to lament. Sure, we may not have the school debt paid off. We might not have the house and the new car, or the bursting bank account... but then again having a family is unto our salvation, is it not? :D
Thanks for your post Karl! Feel free to add any more comments!
Paul we had Pavlos right before our second anniversary. Paul was in school full-time and working part-time. I had to stop working in my seventh month (not that I minded much). It's good to be open to the possibility of having a child (even if you don't have the car or the house), because if you wait until you have those things, you will never have a baby (same thing with waiting to get married... but you are already doing that:) We have friends that told us to have children right away, it's the best thing to do and we had friends that said wait a year or two to get used to living with another person before adding a third person to your family. All the advice came from Orthodox people who we love and value their opinions. BTW... I didn't get the impression that you guys were going to rush off and have children:) Are there grandchildren in Steve's family? At least for your side, you won't get a lot of pressure because Baby Kirsten is here:) Both sides of our family already had grandchildren so we have never felt any pressure (when are you going to have a baby, etc.). But, be prepared... women (Fr. T. thinks this is a really funny aspect of women) have no qualms about asking you when you are having a baby (or, for you Karl, when are you having another one). Maybe it's just Greek women... I don't know (I find that it's mostly older women). Anyway, be prepared for that question (oh, and be prepared for women asking if you are pregnant just because you might be feeling a little tired and you actually sit down during a service at church... obviously, sitting during a service is a clear indicator that you are pregnant... lol)
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